People used to call me moti but i never bothered. In my head i didnt really feel fat until one fine day in Chennai when i decided i should become fitter in life and joined the gym. So i got on the weighing scales... 93 kilos..whoa! I was always on the heavy side and i used to walk regularly.
In my previous stint in Bombay, I would walk till the temple and back, thats about half an hour evryday. In Chennai, walking home from office was a norm... It would take about 45 minutes but the weighing scales gave me a shock and quite a rude one. I thought i was physically active but well FAT thats what i was. I was a ball and everyone around me noticed except me till this day.
So it was about six months of gym where i lost about 4 kilos. From 93 to 89 kilos. This is when i resigned from my job and reached delhi. I visited my doctor and climbed on the weighing machine where i was 89 kilos and i kept jabbering about how happy i was that i was in eighties and not nineties anymore. Thats when i was reprimanded "your body told you something was wrong at 90 kgs?"
"but i am in my eighties now"
"there is no difference between 89 and 90. your body should have told you at 80 something is wrong"
"i have been gymming.. i lost 4 kilos"
"in how much time?"
"6 months"
And of course the periods were irregular. Irregular, painful. they delay, the more the pain
And so i was prescribed blood tests, sugar tests, hormonal tests, ultrasound.
And then came the report. Polycystic ovary syndrome. Phew. I always knew something was wrong. I have known since 2007. It was the time i had started taking too much stress in life. The time when i didnt get placed, the time i was dumped. I dont think i ever moved on. Instead somewhere all the stress wrecked my body. Acne, hair on the face, weight gain, belly fat.. too much fat on the belly. It was so bad at one point in time that an air hostess thought i was pregnant. "ma'am, are you carrying?"
"no well, i am just fat"
Embarrassing.
So with a proper diagnosis of my condition, accepting the fact that losing weight would not be a cakewalk for me, it isnt for anyone. it helped that i was home. bouts of depression are now considered a normal priya. low self esteem, well no one knew, maybe i am a good actress, maybe it is difficult for others to understand. now and then a few tears in the bathroom are a normal phenomenon. the fact that i am single at 27.
to hear stuff like " it has been 5 years since your break up. you were so low on self confidence that you couild not ask anyone out"
it isnt that.
i guess i am scared of the hurt it brings. too much emotional attachment cant do you any good.
it could be the way i looked. i ve looked better. being obese does have its drawbacks. having a beard never did a girl much good. acne-its a teenage thing. well not if you have pcod. it wont go away till your hormonal balance restores.
so then began the fight, the fight against weight gain, the fight against pcod. with great support from my father, one and a half hours of rigourous walking/running and one hour of yoga for 2 months and a diet with no sugar and no oil, i was down to 85 kilos when i came to bombay in january 2012.
Since january to march i came to 77 kilos by one and a half hours of intensive work out. i am still at the battle. because i wish to be 70 and someday i will be. except that it has become hard once more. anyway i aint giving up. now i am self obsessed. i have to do it, there is no other option!
