Reasons for the stress were multiple. First, was the emotional kind. Feeling lonely. The PhD was my choice, my decision. I kind of now understand how lonely the journey can get. Its not like another exam that everyone is taking together. Its an exam specific to you. Remember. It tests you in many ways. Emotional strength is very very important. Of course, I had my friends. They supported me through and through. Some new people of my life were such a source of support. They were my pillars.
I had cut out the old gang. Maybe it was my mistake.
You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.--Winnie the Pooh :)
THe second cause was the financial stress. All these years, I believed that money was not that important. In your face, Priya Rampal. Even the stipend that came in my BoI account on the 26th of every month till December 2015 instilled a sense of independence, a sense of security and self respect. Not having a running source of income kills your confidence. Do not take it lightly. This lack of funds got to me in a way that i didnt think possible. I think i was stressed about not having money. Plus the medical expenses- the medical tests.
The third cause which i believe is the root cause of the stress is still there. It is the PhD now. I need to finish it asap.
Chennai has done wonders to my self confidence. Fortunately I am feeling more positive in life. I think I can do it. I need all your blessings, all your prayers. I dont want to be stuck in that dizzy place ever again.
I love my place of work. The placard at the airport read "PRIYA RAMBAL". It filled me with warmth. I am grateful and happy that I am recovering. I need all the emotional strength in the world right now.
