B +

Somehow I have always liked Anil Kapoor. Hence I am even more fond of this dialogue from No Entry

Fardeen to A.K. "Bhai saab, aap jo ye Be positive Be positive bolte rehte ho, kya hai ye?
A.K. "Kuch nahi yaar, mera blood group hai!"

Lol.

But so important it is to be positive. Why let these feelings of feeling sorry for oneself cloud my judgement. I should be positive, be free :)

I am not feeling sorry for myself

Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?

No

You can eiter keep wasting time, doing this, crying and worrying and overthinking or you can just get set and go and finish it all. What is it going to be?


The second.

Then, are you done feeling sorry for yourself?

No, not yet.

Okay, whenever you are ready. Work is not moving forward anyway. It will wait for you to gather your courage.

I suggest you do it sooner rather than later.

Are you done feeling sorry for yourself?

Okay, yes maybe a little.

Good, lets focus on making you feel better <3

I love you okay, all the flaws , everything. I really really like you a lot <3 :*

The date

It possibly was not a date. It was after ages though i went out with a man. On a simple dinner. Picked up from home, a wonderful conversation and really tasty food. He also dropped me back and I felt really nice. It was lovely.

And then i ruined the lovely feelings because I think some expectations entered my brain... I don't know why I cant just be in the moment, enjoy it and let it be.. The expectation of when next, will this happen again..it is not easy. I am just not ready. For being with anyone..

I hurt so easy. I want to be stronger. I want to be able to be with myself always without expecting people to reply,without having to deal with this shit all over again..


I hate people from the past. There is so much baggage. Each timew someone does not reply, its like they don't care. Maybe it is true. This is what i Have learnt already, then why is it so hard to not have any expectations? Why is it so hard to not be attached again?

The heart is like those waves, they never learn. Time and again crashing on the same rocks.. Hurting itself. Its idiotic. I am an ass. (Wo S nahi , tu ass hai, gadhi hai- chupke chupke)

Diwali this year

After i lost Bade papa and went home, my badi mummy was the one who gave me the strength to move on. to understand that life was not over. She had lost her husband and I went to hug her. This is our conversation:

"Priya, this is very bad.."

And i thought she means that we lost him and i was still unsure about what to say.. and she continued

"SO many grey hair. Do something about this. "

I was partly surprised...partly relieved.. Somehow she brought me back in the normal world with this comment. Inside, I felt if this lady was so strong being with her husband for over 60-65 years, who am I to keep feeling sad?

She gave me the power.

Diwali was always special with her around. Even last year she came outside to see the rangoli. She came to see our lights and diyas and candles and decorations and compliment both Shreya and me on everything, however bad it was. "

This is the first Diwali that I am going home to when she is not around ... I know its going to be very hard for me..

In Hindus, people dont celebrate festivals for a whole year... but I will do everything.. Just the way she liked it.. I will miss you bari mumma but I hope you will be happy with whatever the three ladies of the house do . I will always love you.