the whole fiasco about tying the knot

Once you are in your late twenties and are still figuring out what to do (even though you kind of have an idea but are still not sure), for instance someone like me, who is doing a phD at 28. I dont make money. I dont have a career yet...though i can see myself rising in a year from now with loads of money and a great job (one that i love and that is why the decision to do a PhD).. anyway, money is not that important else i would have never left CIRM. Anyway, the point of this blog entry is the pressure that i feel as a 28 year old... First, is the pressure i feel from my parents, especially my ma. Well i probably have no reason to complain because i feel this when i am 28 while most girls give in at 22. The pressure of getting married, of finding someone. "Oho koi khud kyun nahi dhoond liya?" "har ma-baap chahte hain k unki ladki ki shaadi ho jaye" "jeevansathi pe paid account lo" "tum toh website check hee nahi karte" Second, the peer pressure, what with all of them tying the knot. I am not lying, im genuinely happy that they are finding good people to settle down with and what with sitting on a table where everyone goes "congratulations" and the response is "same to you" and to me "when are you tying the knot?" i would rather wait for the right person than compromise. and well, you are my friends, be supportive, don't act like my parents. don't add to my grief. Third, own pressure: I have a lot of expectations from myself. Now i am not saying marriage would tie me down but it might if its someone who doesn't understand me, my priorities, i would just be in an unhappy marriage and that is certainly not what i want. Add to this the misery of finding someone on jeevansathi: people i like will never get back(they reject me based on looks, non existent salary, location maybe) . people who like me? well, none have met my standards so far. and thank god i have standards. this is actually the perfect place to start losing your confidence. A younger cousin is engaged, adding to the family pressure. Anyway so here i am at this juncture in my life where my parents have decided that my marriage is the only thing that will lead to their happiness.where everyone wants me to hurry up to find my Mr right so the younger cousin's marriage happens after me. I have so much to do in my Phd. so much to analyse, write, discover. So much to rise for, so much to shine for in this life but nothing seems important to my family except shaadi. why cant i go on with the things i like doing and hoping i would find someone on the way. and if i dont, am i not happy with myself? This is an unnecessary pressure , an unnecessary grind. And my happiness is a function of my family's happiness. And so either way i lose. This is a losing battle. I just hope i dont lose my confidence or self esteem in the process though it happens time and again. One of my friends had mentioned to me that she is scared of a vision of her, old and surrounded by cats and it scares her. She is thankfully committed now. But somehow i dont have such visions yet, it doesnt even scare me... My only fear is that one day it might scare me. I can be alone but i dont want to get lonely ever... Actually the real fight is once i get married, then it'll be "when are you planning a baby?" but lets leave that for another blog entry...